Ep 35: Creating an Action Plan for Love with Joli Hamilton, PhD

by | Nov 29, 2020 | Communication, Podcast Episodes, Posts for Everyone, Relationships, Skills for Love

“For years people when people told me to trust myself and trust in love, all it did was lead me to believe that I was unsalvageable. Because I’m high maintenance, high energy, type A, I over plan and I am hard on myself.

I found that telling people who aren’t naturally gifted at surrendering and letting go doesn’t actually get them to the love that they want.

What I found is that breaking down the steps of getting there, and making it actionable, is a perfectly reasonable approach that can help a lot of people.”

– Joli Hamilton, PhD

What types of skills are of the most benefit to our relationships? How can we create an action plan for love? What boundaries should we be setting to improve our relationship?

Find out in this week’s episode of The Learn to Love Podcast, where your host Zach Beach interviews psychologist, sex educator, and relationship coach, Joli Hamilton on Creating an Action Plan for Love.

Ep 35: Creating an Action Plan for Love with Joli Hamilton, PhD

 Listen on:

Apple Podcasts || Stitcher || TuneIn || Google Podcasts || Spotify || Amazon Music || Castbox

about Joli Hamilton, PhD

Joli Hamilton is a research psychologist, an AASECT certified sexuality educator, and a sex & relationship coach. She holds a doctorate in depth psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute.

She has spent many years working directly with clients helping them improve their relationship skills, and is also a professor of human sexuality. 

Over the past two decades, she has started more than ten business ventures ranging from clothing design to personal training to providing birth & lactation doula services, all while managing her own relationships, pursuing her graduate degrees, and raising and homeschooling seven kids.

She is the author of Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur’s Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love.

Stay connected with Joli Hamilton:

Website || Twitter|| Instagram || Facebook

Links from the show

show notes

  • In this episode, we take about some skills that can help us to change and grow in the relationship. We discuss how to understand shadow work and how to find out what are our unconscious patterns are.
  • Love takes skill (7:00) – It is important to find the best way to communicate our boundaries with our partner and to recognize our needs. These skills are important to have for a long term relationship.
  • Difference between a need and a want (10:00) – A need is something you have to have to nourish your soul, and a want is connected with desire. It’s important to be clear with what we need.
  • Healthy boundaries (12:00) – When we set a boundary we have to be specific around what we need. Boundaries differentiate us from the other and not having them is a risk to lose ourselves in the relationship. Differences in relationship keep things interesting. It is a dance between independence and connection. The question is: what is essential to us in order to be ourselves in the world?
  • The shadow (21:35) – We often hear that the process to heal ourselves is to work on our shadows. But what does it mean really? The shadow is the first piece of our soul that we meet while we discover ourselves.
  • The safety plan (27:00) – The safety plan can be a good tool to make you feel safe in the worst moments. Who will you call when you can’t talk to your partner? What will you do to feel better? Self-care, friends, songs that make you feel safe, some movies, all those things can be part of our safety plan.
  • The action plan (33:00) – Knowing ourselves is the first step. Then we can decide where we want to improve and write it down. It is important to know our own patterning. When we recognize our skill and knowledge gaps, we can finally work on ourselves. Sometimes we need to accept and stop projecting own shadow onto the other person.
  • Final thought: It’s OK to have a messy Love Story, it’s yours.

Sponsors

  • This episode is sponsored by Listenable, your home for powerful, bite-sized audio courses authored by well‑loved experts. Use the discount code “zachbeach” for the first seven days on the platform for free. And while you’re at it, sign up for our How To Be a Better Partner Course.

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